Flat Earth is the truth

3 min Definitely not having a laugh 30 May 2017

So, it’s 2017 and there’s still people out there who haven’t acknowledged that we live on a Flat Earth.

Frankly, it's embarrassing. 

There's been an increase of attention in the idea of a Flat Earth of late, which is good news for scientists and free-thinkers all around the world. To help those who remain sceptical, this article assembles some important information to get you started.

The important stuff

  1. The Earth is flat, with four edges. This is obvious.
  2. Then Sun rotates around the Earth.
  3. Scientists are still working to determine just how much Earth there is below us, with some groups suggesting that the Earth is infinite, while others have suggested that it goes on for a bit and then gets really hot and then drops off. Extremists among these groups have taken to calling this really hot place "Hell", but the debate around the existence of such as place is still ongoing.
  4. NASA was, and still is, an elaborate hoax. NASA was created to force the Russians to waste money researching rocket technology, including the faked Moon landings we still laugh about today. The children of the original three NASA employees are carrying on the same role as their fathers, in the same back-alley Hollywood studio. 

Common complaints

Then uninitiated always react the same way, flinging around half-assed rebuttals such as:

  1. What about gravity though
  2. If the earth is flat why I can’t I see everything
  3. We have videos and stuff from space
  4. What is wrong with you

To those who turn to gravity, I ask you to remember that gravity is described by the theory of General Relativity. A theory, not a fact. To those who think we should be able to see everything because the Earth is flat, that is utter nonsense. There's too much air in the way. Finally, to those who refer to photos and videos "taken from space", please have a think about the kind of things you see in movies all the time. C'mon.

Still not convinced?

Fine.

Let's apply a scientific approach, and examine the evidence.

Say you were standing on the North Pole. You'd be standing upright, of course.

Say you then go for a really long walk to the South Pole. If the Earth was round, you'd gradually start to rotate as you walked around the world. By the time you got to the South Pole, you'd be upside down.

This is, of course, preposterous, because we know that people don’t fall off the Earth when they’re at the “bottom”. Therefore, there is no bottom. All of the Earth is on top.

Need more?

A similar issue would be encountered by aeroplanes. If the Earth was rounded, they'd have to constantly point their nose to the ground during flight, just to keep the same distance above the ground. Insanity! Aeroplanes only go down to land, or if the pilot believes in a spherical Earth. God help those souls.

Real proof that the Earth is Flat

This story was jotted down immediately by the teacher mentioned, and contains no alteration of facts whatsover.

Once upon a time, a math class was experimenting with some 3D shapes. A student by the name of Timmy placed a sphere on the ground, without applying any force to it. He noticed that the sphere didn’t move, and yet when he placed the spherical object on any kind of curved surface, it would roll away, as if the spheres repelled each other.

Timmy began to shout in excitement, so his class and teacher gathered around him, watching him as he stared at his balls.

The teacher whispered, "What is it Little Timmy?"

Timmy looked her dead in the eye and said, "My balls don't like each other."

The classroom went completely silent, as slowly, the impact of this statement bore its full and beautiful weight upon every person in that room. A curly haired girl named Susan raised her hand in the air, and the teacher looked at her in awe.

"If the Earth was round," said Susan, "Then every ball would shoot out into space. Right, Miss?"

"That's right, Susan," said the teacher, a tear in the corner of one eye. "So the Earth must be flat."

Additionally, as a redditor has pointed out, pizza has crust. The earth has crust. Pizza is flat. Therefore, the earth is flat.

So there you have it. Science. Thanks for reading the truth. Stay humble.